Mountains and drinks

(This post is about last week. I’m lazy.)


Nothing happened.


A good friend of mine came over for three days and brought his girlfriend. We came to learn about each other probably three months ago; back then I wrote:

So, there are five guys here (and some girls), and one of them is resembling me so much it’s scary. Not only he already knows a few (german) internet projects I made (how is that possible?), but he also likes the films I like, shares the same attitude on life, is depressed as fuck and someone who you may actually talk to without hiding something. I should be very glad (as I was when I met the first “relatable” friend in my life), but instead I’m more like “okay, cool”. This makes me sad.

Also, a few weeks ago we agreed we’d fuck each other if he wasn’t in a relationship. But I don’t want to talk about that here.

Anyway, he came over and, of course, we didn’t knew what to do so we decided some food was needed. We went to the mall, came back, and sat down on the sofa and listened to Eurobeat.


The weather was doing pretty well, so we went to the mountains and did a pedal boat trip …

An image showing someone in front of a lake and mountains

… which left us exhausted, so when we came back, we sat down on the sofa and listened to Eurobeat1.


Originally us three wanted to go swimming on Wednesday. And although I don’t live in the United Kingdom, the weather’s still very often bad where I reside, so we made use of the sun on Wednesday and could go swimming on a rainy Thursday, as expected. It was fun, but I remembered I hate public swimming pools, especially when a lot of kids are there, screaming and shouting around like Britney Spears. I think this is what hell feels like.

Having been left exhausted, all we wanted to do is sit down on the sofa and listen to Eurobeat.


My not that significant other and his girlfriend left, and I immediately took the train to Kirchhain in Hesse where I met some friends I’ve known for years. Just upon exiting the train after four hours, we purchased very essential, needed things.

An image showing lots of cola and a little bit of alcohol

To my surprise, there were about ten people at the party I didn’t even know about and we had quite some fun hooking up a microphone to Ableton and adding effects to the chain, such as compressors or a vocoder which makes you sound like a perverted Dennis Hopper, trying to tell Keanu Reeves something about a bus and 50mph.

Then, pizza. Then, drugs. Then, bed. Then, sofa. No Eurobeat. But dimmed lights and Massive Attack.


The next day, only three of us ten were left, and since Kirchhain is an incredibly boring town, we headed for Marburg, which isn’t quite a metropolis, but a beautiful city. We went all the way up to the castle to get the terrible experience of taking the bus back to downtown, using a sickening route with uncountable hairpin turns.

After a quick round of Catan, Saturday flowed seamlessly into


morning where we took some dank photos.

An image showing... me.

  1. Admittedly, I even had Eurobeat running while rushing through the mountains with a BMW. It’s incredibly fun but feels like a death trap, which it probably is. 


my cat sitting in the basement
Pussy is not amused about her basement being awash.

Prehistoric Living

When I looked out of the window, I didn’t see anything. Not that I was blind – I simply happened to stare into a black void, desperately trying to recognise some outlines.

Needless to say my effort had been unsuccessful, it might be worth explaining that my neighbourhood just had a blackout. It takes a second to realise what the fuck just happened when your amplifier says Goodbye! with a minimalistic clicking sound, the lights turn off and you’re suddenly in the dark and all on your own. It’s even worse when your laptop’s battery is dead, your phone is at 10 percent and you feel the urge to take a shit but don’t know whether the toilet’s actually going to flush and if you’ll be able to wash your hands. While my mind is kinda dirty, I prefer to wash my hands as unclean hands aren’t my kink.

Anyway, I went into the corridor to get some candles. On my way out of the room I found out that flipping the light switch reflexively wouldn’t help me at all when there’s no electricity. I also took a pen, a piece of paper and started writing this “post” by hand. God, I forgot how hard this was.

After an hour, the electricity is back and I am able to use a keyboard now!

Today, I mean yesterday, a relative of mine wanted to hear my parents’ opinion (mine too) on an apartment she thought about buying. It’s located in western Germany. Do I need to say more? Probably yes, as I want to explain why this is not the usual West Germany bashing I love to practise.

See, unlike the GDR which probably never had any golden age, the golden age of western Germany was the 60s and 70s. Two decades after war, economy quickly recovered, thanks to “our American friends” having been very supportive since the 50s. Thanks! So, what do people do when they have lots of money? They spend it on shit which makes them feel great, that is cars, accessoires and houses. The problems which many small towns in western Germany face nowadays is that a lot of real estate was built or renovated in the 1970s and people stopped caring afterwards or died. Too bad the 70s were a horrible decade for interior design and aesthetics. (Ever seen Kubrick’s “Clockwork Orange” from 1973? The film’s interiors make me feel sick on a physical level.)

The apartment we came to take a look at was such a lost cause. Designed by the architect who also built the house as his own apartment, it features a lot of creepy design decisions. It’s like a real life time machine; I was left overwhelmed to see something so out of place from which I didn’t think it was possible.

Feel free to take a look: Photo showing a prehistoric living room.

Isn’t it beautiful? Mind how no design element fits to anything else. Mind the two old TVs standing around, mind the old stereo you can’t see from this angle and the corresponding ABBA cassette. Mind the taxidermied bird and the overkitsched fireplace downstairs. Mind the lack of insulation and mind the various forms of depression you will get when living there.

Home feels one hundred times more comfortable now.

I can't concentrate right now, but that's okay

On Friday afternoon, my former schoolmates picked me up and we got into a car, drove to Lower Saxony (the Brits controlled this part of Germany after the collapse of the Third Reich which is why it’s kinda dull and boring here) and went camping. As I said in the last post, I usually hate camping, but I still liked the idea to do something with my friends.

On the first day, it started raining, I was tired, everything looked shitty and I got quite depressed. Here’s an excerpt from the last post I had written but couldn’t publish due to bad reception (thank god.)

This place is dull and depressing. Bad weather makes me feel like shit. It started raining when we wanted to set up the tent. It fucking sucks. I’ll just try to get some sleep in that cold, muddy, smelly tent with three muddy, smelly dudes while some loud jerks from the tent next to us make a lot of noise.

After a noisy night full of loud EDM music blasted at an inhumane volume level, crammed into a shitty sleeping bag, I was in a surprisingly good mood. The sun was shining. I went to the camp site’s bath house and took a shower, which was surprisingly warm and pleasant as fuck, with some radio music blaring out of a tiny speaker. I got dressed and we went to the reception where an old lady approached one of my friends and offered him her newly bought JVC bluetooth headphones (for which she apparently paid 50 euros) for just 5! euros, stating she had no use for them. I thought she wanted to scam him or was just batshit insane but this lady remained insistent, prasing JVC to the skies for its quality. At this point I had to force myself hard not to laugh out loud.

“JVC is a company of outstanding quality!”
- weird elderly woman, 2017

After taking a beautiful trip on a pedal boat, we went to the woman’s motorhome to see what her offer was all about. Turned out she had bought the headphones to enjoy her opera music in an audiophile manner but they didn’t sound as good as she wanted to. As an audiophile myself, I can understand this perfectly and the weird eldery woman turned into an narcisstic, likeable lady that just wanted to get rid of her headphones in all honesty.

“I have brilliant ears, you know?”
- narcisstic, likeable lady, 2017

While my friend tried to pair the headphones and his phone, I talked to the woman about what she did on this camp site and why. Turns out she doesn’t have a husband nor children and is kinda bored, so she sold her apartment and now chills out at the camp site all the time with her motorhome and in a few weeks she’ll go to Spain just because she can. That’s great.

We also had this conversation:
her: “Yes, and I also had a Yamaha [insert model number here] piano at home.”
me: “Okay haha!!” *tries to be interested*
her: “Do you know that thing?”
me: “Well, actually I don’t.”
her: “Yeah then why don’t you just ask me about that?”

I would like to hate the JVC granny, but I love her direct way of speaking a little too much for that.

After that we played some minigolf (I lost :/) and then barbecued some stuff.

I will go home tomorrow and enjoy my bed like I never did before. It was fun though. Also the loud jerky music from the jerky jerks next to our tent makes me kinda nervous and keeps be from really getting into the mood for writing so this post might be a clusterfuck, sorry. And even though I can’t concentrate right now, it’s kinda okay.

Edit 16 Jul 2017: The moment we wanted to sleep, the stomach of friend X started aching, and it worsened. We decided it was best to take him to a local hospital, but the camping ground’s gate locks after 10pm, there was nobody awake and the emergency number lead to a fire station far far away where they said “we don’t have anything to do with the emergency doctor but we can break the gate if you want us to. In the meantime, some other friend tried waking up permanent campers, and he was successful with it, because there was one with a key.

In the end, it took us about an hour to get to the hospital. According to the metadata of photos we took, we reached the emergency department at probably 3am. Then, we got to the camp site again but since I’ve gotten extremely hungry I suggested that we went to McDonald’s first. So we did, and we were lucky because it closed at 4am but we entered at 3:59am, probably annoying the local manager who kicked us out at 4:15.

a German McDonald's subsidiary in the dark

Anyway, I ordered a soft drink from [insert terrible company here] and a Hamburger Royal TS. Did you know the Royal TS was first sold in Germany? Did you know the “TS” stands for “Tomate” and “Salat” which roughly translates to “tomato” and “salad”? Did you know you can’t get this tasty burger in America and that it’s not because of the metric system? Now you know.

Taking storage to the Plext Level

Today, I found eight gigaby–

“What the bloody hell, Jonas? Today? It’s already past midnight, you filthy night owl!”

Right, sorry. Yesterday, I found eight gigabytes of RAM in my inbox. A friend had called them disposable and asked me whether I had use for that so I warmly took them. That way I could save money for my do-it-yourself home server. All the parts were already there, so, after receiving the envelope with the memory inside it, I dropped everything (except for the RAM) and started assembling all the different parts a computer needs.

“You need a home server, my arse.”

Yes, really. I used to have everything on my external hard drive and when I dropped it, that damn thing stopped working and I lost all my backups, films, creations and music on it. And I didn’t want that to happen again, which is why I came up with the brilliant idea of a power-saving server with two hard drives in it; one mirroring the other.

When putting the computer together, I still had no case because it comes tomorr– I mean, today. It should be delivered today. But waiting sucks, so I just used an old cardboard box, cutting in holes for all the different ports and put everything into it. It was a mess, yet it seemed to work. Regarding the lack of an on button, I figured I could short-circuit the power pins, and while it wasn’t any surprise it did work, I was still a little amazed because that technique seemed so hacky.

After the hardware was verified to work as it should, I installed FreeNAS which turned out to be pretty easy. Easier than setting up a Windows share and figuring out whether the damn thing mirrored my drives as I wanted it to, but it’s really just one or two hours at max, thanks to its extensive documentation. A good friend also recommended installing Plex which is a fast media server with a beautiful web interface and lots of apps for every “smart” device you could imagine streaming media from your home network to. Needless to say this is one of the coolest pieces of software ever written. Reading in your media – let it be films, TV shows or music – happens blazingly fast, and within a matter of seconds everything is displayed with beautiful metadata and cover artwork automatically fetched from the internet. It even goes as far as connecting films to the people who worked on them so that I can even search for Tarantino and get a list of his movies I have on the hard drive. Astonishing.

I spent the rest of the day goofing around with Plex which is why I’m now sitting here at 3am, writing a post about all this. I should get a life.

Also, this is an article I want to publish as soon as possible without doing a third spell check. Because I want my opening dialogue to be funny and it wouldn’t work anymore if I published this at 11am.