Recommended listening: GAS - Zauberberg 2.
I don't know if things are getting worse, but they don't feel as if they are getting better either. Whenever I manage to solve problems in my life, it feels as if more complex and more deeply-nested ones appear to crush my soul.
I've noticed that I have trouble expressing myself, and while I am able to be empathetic and romantic, I just cannot manage to emit these feelings.
I am participating in a /nightwalk/ with a nice girl. She begins to sob, and tells me that she is unhappy about how her life is going, and some angsty shit, you get the idea. Now, I really want to tell her that everything is going to be alright, and that there is so much in life to aspire after, and that I understand her worries nonetheless.
Instead, I burst out some shit like “well, that's too bad.”
Because of experiences like these, my life (and my own behaviour) has started to feel like the 200th re-run of an Alf episode. It's not really bad, and it might have even been entertaining and innovative once, but you have gotten sick of it. You have grown to know the jokes and punchlines in advance, and they taste like milk that's been standing around for three weeks already. The worst thing is, I really can't change how I perceive things and express myself, or can I?
Anyway, I hope that life will be worth it later on. I feel like having dealt with three midlife crises already, at the age of 19. Thanks, I hate it.